Note that the views expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily correspond to the views or official position of the Branch or the National Union.In my last article I made a comment about the management team photograph in @SPVA. The latest @SPVA does a double spread on EDS – thirteen of them. Doing four and a half jobs, if that, from what I can make out, but then I’m out of touch with all the acronyms, abbreviations and management speak. How do they all fill the time? I must be missing something – they all seem to be managing abstract concepts. I’m surprised Wittgenstein isn’t on the board. I just hope all thirteen don’t sit round a meeting table all at once; the last time that happened, the boss got crucified. Actually, I don’t think all thirteen could sit down together because that would exceed the critical mass of gobbledegook and they would all spontaneously combust.
On the subject of the last article, if any of you are wondering about the painting, it’s just my fantasy take on Captain Oates heroic (or stupid, depending on your viewpoint) exit from the Scott polar expedition. For those of you who wonder about such things, it was done in watercolour using phthalo blue and lamp black with heavy use of dry brush work, with a touch of white gouache. I don’t usually paint stuff as spooky as that, so to reassure you that I’m not a troubled genius about to slice off my ear I’ve stuck a more rural snow scene at the top of this article. I did think about doing a painting of Tomlinson House with a flock of seagulls dropping a mountain of poop on it, but I couldn’t be arsed with all the windows. In any event, as a metaphor it lacked a certain finesse, unlike the Oates painting. Look good in the boardroom, though, especially at Ministerial visits. But perhaps that’s a metaphor too far. To get images for painting I can now be found trailing round the Ribble Valley and the Trough of Bowland with a camera. Only an inveterate optimist would dream of painting watercolours outside in soggy Lancashire; in any event, I’ve always thought sitting down at an easel outside is holding a hostage to fortune. Anyway, all this activity inevitably means having to eat lunch in the various gastro pubs scattered round the area, but hey, an artist has to suffer for his work to have any soul. I do all this during the week, weekends obviously being for people who work.
Moving on to the VA PCS blog, where this appears, has anybody else noticed in the Quotes and Snippets section, that none of the authors of the blog has listened to any music since 1985? Quite an achievement, that. It’s a bit like Ashes to Ashes, except in the PCS office there are more retro haircuts. (I love this lack of censorship – everybody gets it.) Still, who am I to criticise, sitting here drinking green tea and listening to The Piper the Gates of Dawn. (Quiz question: From which book did Pink Floyd steal that title of a chapter?) This album contains one of the best love songs ever written - ‘Bike’. Dig it out if you don’t believe me. So much acid was dropped during the making of this record I’m surprised the CDs don’t dissolve.
Anyway, I digress. I’ve re-read the EDS stuff and I think I’ve worked out that ‘transition’ means ‘firing.’ ‘Reducing headcount’ is obvious, but I’ve never before seen it used with a sense of pride rather than regret. I wouldn’t like to be working at Innsworth when the proposals ‘mature’. Actually, I wouldn’t like to be working anywhere. At least anywhere EDS touched with their verbal obfuscation.
And management wonder why morale is low. It’s not rocket science, folks.
